lily kong

I feel like an infant and a senile woman at all times. And as much of an exaggeration as that is, it’s bears striking truth. I’m not ready to commit to the momentum of law school (that I presume to only get crazier with time). Definitely not. We’re three weeks shy of finishing our classes for the first semester of our 1L year. We’ve learned too much and nothing at the same time, and I have no idea how to start dipping my toes in finals-prep. Not to mention, we need to start honing our resumes and looking for summer internships. It’s a rat race that I honestly do not feel I can win, let alone finish at all. All the while, we need to somehow make sense of why we’re even going through all of this. Hard times definitely call for readjustments or reminders of the bigger picture - the overarching purpose for our dinky little lives. And that’s when the senile woman comes in. Sometimes everything seems so, damn meaningless.

Times like now, when I’m sitting in a cool, industrial-vibey, Starbucks in the outer skirts of the Mission, listening to my Josh Radin while snacking on my coffee cake, I feel a baby splash of color in my life. However, during the week, when things are utterly lackluster, dry, and inhumanely repetitive, it’s easy to zombie through life (yes, the word “zombie” is most definitely a verb).

But I guess that’s because all of the above is through the lens of self-centered, hedonistic, me.

So I have to remind myself that: I can’t chase things that only feel good. And not everything is going to be fun. Work is hard. Work is painful. Becoming a professional to help others is worth it. There is so much gratification that comes from working hard and reaping rewards. And as meaningless as a lot of things are, working to glorify God through what I do is most definitely not. I’m blessed, and I will make it through this. This is part of God’s plan for me, and He will carry me through.

Breattheee.